Be Nice to Your Future Self-Theresa Coomer

Today I was listening to a podcast episode of The Happiness Lab in which the subject was why we are mean to our future selves.  The podcast thesis is that we tend to put obligations on our future selves that we think we will have time even though the data points to the fact that we often are overscheduled in the now.  I listened to this podcast and took inventory of the numerous times in my life that I tried to shove everything I want to get done on top of the have to get dones on my plate.  I have had a pretty full schedule this whole summer, but not overwhelming.  But that is mainly because there has not been an unforeseen catalyst that has thrown my schedule into chaos.  But I also know I am walking close to the edge. However, the words Marcus said to me as I walked out the door echo, 

"Keeping taking the seat at the table, it is going to be great."

So, I listen to this podcast of overscheduling ourselves, while my mind wanders to all the possible things I can still fit in to my hours, days, weeks, (as my mind almost always does when I find myself without parenting obligations, all while driving 2 and a half hours to Springfield to volunteer my time to work through the tedious job of sifting through the constitution for the Illinois Council of the Social Studies and making updates as needed.  Definitely a want to do that stressed out my have to do demands.

The past couple of years I have gotten better at saying no, but when it is a passion project, I tend to say why not.  Supporting social studies education in Illinois and beyond is one of those passions, and fortunately, I am able to be a constructive addition to the team working on this necessary action today.  Today being the operative word. The stars aligned and I was able to sneak away for one overnight to do this work. 

Even still my mind vacillates through the never ending mental checklist running in the background. Because I chose to do this want to do I am 

-picking away at the time left this summer to set up my classroom and putting an instructional plan together for the upcoming school year. 

-putting off washing and vacuuming my car

-putting the set-up for the week all into one day, sunday, instead of spread over the weekend, which most likely means takeout more nights than cooking next week.

-knowingly putting the possibility of having to carry most of the tasks of parenting myself next week as we deal with the fallout of me being gone for one night.

-as of an hour ago, unable to act on figuring out how to reinforce the bunny hutch to prevent them from escaping.

-delaying the organization of my craft room that has turned into a catch all room.

-not buying party supplies and creating the games for the Mario themed birthday that takes place next weekend.

At the moment I am sitting quietly in the hotel room, with a street concert outside my window serenading me with some rock tunes that remind me of my Dad, by myself taking the very rare uninterrupted writing break. And I engaged in great thought work with other like minded individuals that invigorates my being. And I was able to have the mindspace to quiet that checklist and look at some previous writing I want to dos and make headway in them.  And I will transition to a crochet project at the completion of this.  I am grateful for this moment in time. 

100's of Hexagons-Theresa Coomer

The heavy duty scissors slice through the colored paper in a zig zag. I am going on hour two of deliberate snips to ensure there are plenty of hexagons in a variety of colors. This is how I am using my snow day. School has been canceled due to the weather that is just starting to roll in and it looking to make afternoon travel treacherous. 

My thoughts roll over in my mind. I have been struggling to find my joy in my work as of late. I know that I am creating and maintaining an engaging, rigorous and standards based instruction. I know that I have put together classroom expectations that manage my classroom so that deep meaningful learning has the opportunity to blossom. I know that I am taking my time to make sure I give thoughtful feedback on writing assignments to improve the skills of my students. And I know that I address the social emotional needs of my students and provide a safe and caring environment for them to be vulnerable enough to take on challenging learning. 

Here I am cutting out hundred of hexagons to help ensure a lesson I planned has the potential to be successful and impactful, and i fight the tears rolling down my cheeks because it feels like a fruitless endeavor. I try my best to remember that I am doing a good job, but every time I get some momentum, an , I hope, unintended jab at my choices cuts deep and painfully. The burn lingers in my heart as a try to harden my armor to not let my lessons suffer and continue to use every moment of my prep time to do the millions of tasks necessary to have “successful” teaching week. 

I pull another sheet of hexagons from the pile to cut as I try to figure out my first steps in navigating my teetering despair.